


The Cannibal and The Mortician (Or, how Hannibal started to invest in the local economy)

by KJC2025



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Abby has a plan, And not even all of them, And probably happy cannibal noises, But I'm not a Mary Sue, Dead people get eaten, Hannibal notices this, Heck some of the LIVING people get eaten, I like my commas, I promise., I should probably mention, I'm already dead, In a leading role of...A corpse!, It's a funeral home, Just one of those happy AU's, Just the dead ones, M/M, Murder Family Fun, No cannibal or serial killer trouble between Will and Hannibal, OF COURSE dead people get eaten, Snark, Special mention of star guest, That won't happen here though, The Author - Freeform, There are more cannibals then Hannibal in this fic, Where people die and are eaten, Which I guess makes this a self-insert, Will owns a small buisness, abuse of commas, also, and starts to show up at ALL the funerals, do we still have to tag that in this fandom?, eventually, it's Hannibal, sorrynotsorry, surprise, you know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-07 14:35:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13436853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJC2025/pseuds/KJC2025
Summary: It all started with a dead body. And then more dead bodies. And then all of a sudden, Will Graham found out that one man was attending all of the services for the bodies. It was weird, okay? What else was Will to do but talk to the poor guy, and offer his condolences for all the dead people in his life? And that's when things got interesting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was inspired by this post on tumblr (https://trash-cannibal.tumblr.com/post/169778268754/can-i-get-an-au-where-will-graham-is-a-mortician) and I felt like I could contribute a little something.

To be honest, Will hadn’t noticed him. What with his empathy, funerals were difficult for Will to attend, which had made owning a funeral home difficult, but Will was able to put most of the interpersonal work onto his daughter Abby, since she was much better at dealing with grieving families, where Will preferred to deal directly with the dead and the business side of things. So it made sense that Will hadn’t noticed the man with the apparently endless supply of dark suits to wear to a funeral until Abby had mentioned that the man kept showing up.

“Hey dad, have you noticed tall, dark, and European? He’s been at like, all the funerals lately. I wonder how busy he is with the living.” Blinking at Abby from over the body of Mrs. Savoy, who had been targeted by Baltimore’s newest serial killer, a copy-cat of the Chesapeake Ripper. The Ripper was famous for taking organs though, and this copy-cat wasn’t taking them, but was leaving bodies in artfully decorated poses with flowers all over them. Will thought the displays were beautiful, though he was careful not to mention it to anyone other then Abby, who shared his appreciation of the macabre.

“No, I haven’t. Why, do you think he’s cute?” Removing the intact liver and heart from Mrs. Savoy and placing them on a tray to be dealt with later, Will was more focused on his modified embalming procedure, as he pumped in the formaldehyde solution into the body to deal with the rest of the organs.

“You spoke to him at the Gedge funeral a month and a half ago – he complemented you on running such a small operation, remember? And he’s been at all but two of the services since then. Come on dad, I know you’ve spent most of your time down here recently, working to keep us fed and all, but do you know how weird it is to see the same guy at so many events? Especially since we’ve been so busy. I mean, how many people can one guy know well enough to show up to the funeral?” Abby was sitting on a counter top facing the room, legs swinging.

“Wait. We’ve had...twenty services since Gedge. You’re saying he’s been to eighteen of them?” As Mrs. Savoy sat in her formaldehyde solution, Will started to massage the body to help speed the process along.

“Yep. And I overheard the mother of the Clark girl – the suicide, remember her? - thanking him for paying for the service. He said that it would be a shame for such a woman to not have her life and struggle honored.” Will remembered the Clark girl. It was a sad one, a young woman who’d apparently struggled with depression before committing suicide. She’d been thorough, with a mix of alcohol, prescription, and over-the-counter sleep aides. Will hated the suicides. They always made his heart ache – more than the usual cases that came to his funeral home. Her memorial had been something else though, with people arriving in costumes that ranged from video game characters to politicians. The laughter celebrating her life had been a good thing to hear, and Will wished she’d been there to hear it for herself.

“He paid for it? Any idea what the relationship was?” Will pulled out the waxy implants they used to help the bodies maintain their shape and starting placing them where the organs had been removed, as well as where the body would just naturally collapse in death. Mrs. Savoy had been lucky, Will noted, since she wasn’t too badly disfigured by her killer, and would thus require less cosmetic work.

“Nope. He’s very charming though. You should come up for Mrs. Savoy and meet him.” Will laughed as he sewed up Mrs. Savoy.

“Now, now, Abby. The copy-cat’s keeping us in food and a house. Let’s not waste his work by letting me scare people off to the competition.” Tonight’s work done, Will rolled Mrs. Savoy into the refrigerated room he used for keeping the dead in. There she would sit until just before her funeral service, when the cosmetics would be taken care of. Moving to peel off the gloves and scrub his hands, Will nudged Abby off the counter top. Hopping off, Abby went to deal with the organs on the tray.

“You’re not that bad, Dad. I mean, between you and the copy-cat, I’ll never go hungry again!” The organs sealed in their air-tight, opaque container, and Will’s hands dried, the two went up the stairs to the main office and finished locking up for the night before heading home, where a roast had been slow cooking, and should be ready for dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, as Will and Abby were opening the shop, a silver Bentley pulled into the parking lot. A tall, well-dressed European man stepped out of the car and walked towards Will and Abby. With a glance at Abby to confirm that this was ‘Tall, dark, and European,’ Will sent Abby inside and held out his hand to the man.

“Will Graham. How can I help you sir?” The man shook his hand, with a firm grip. He was wearing a blue suit with a subtly colored plaid pattern with a paisley tie. Will was pretty sure that no one else could have pulled off the look, but the man manged it, looking elegant and in command of everything he saw. 

“Mr. Graham. It is a pleasure to speak to you again. My name is Hannibal Lecter. I was hoping to speak to you about arranging a service for an old colleague of mine.” Instantly shifting from curiosity about the strange man who had apparently been spending so much time in his workplace recently (and spending quite a bit of money too, if he was in the habit of offering to pay for services) to the few workplace appropriate instincts he had, Will ushered the man inside to start the process. 

“I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Lecter. My daughter could certainly assist you in arranging a service. Would you care for a bottle of water or a coffee before I sent her to you?” 

“No, thank you. But I would appreciate your input on the process. Would you stay?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! While Will was certainly capable of putting a service together, it was not something that he enjoyed. Emotions ran high, people got aggressive, and Will had once nearly gotten into a shouting match with a housewife who insisted that she should get a discount because she had children with her. Will, who had already been near his limit due to the unending shrieking of the child, had stepped away for a moment, promoted Abby on the spot, and sent her in to deal with the woman. Abby, being the brilliant girl she was, had managed to calm the woman down, corral the child, and then got them out with a service package for the woman’s mother. Then she tracked Will down and teased him mercilessly. The two had then decided that Will would just deal with the bodies and Abby would handle the sales. It had worked well for them, and Will was loathe to change that. But Will doubted that Abby would actually help him, considering that she had wanted him to talk to Lecter, which left him with one option – help plan the damn service.

“Of course, Mr. Lecter. Please, step into my office. Did you have any ideas for anything you’d like for the service?” Leading Lecter into his office, Will grabbed the brochures outlining the different options for services and a notepad. Placing the brochures on a side table for Lecter to peruse at his leisure, Will placed the other man on the couch by the tissues and himself in a chair on the other side. The man didn’t look like he would need the tissues, but Will had seen stoic people break down when making choices before. Better safe than sorry.  
“I admit, I may be a little out of my depth. The colleague, Frederick Chilton, ran the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. He was targeted by the Chesapeake Ripper after working with the FBI to find the killer. He wasn’t left in a...pleasant state. I thought perhaps a closed casket would be easiest to work with.” Will nodded at that, and pulled out some of the casket options.

“That is certainly an option, though we’ve helped victims of extreme violence before, so if you’d like an open casket viewing, we are capable of some fairly extensive cosmetic options, if you would be interest in that.” Hannibal’s head tilted, and he seemed to smile, just a little. 

“To be frank, Mr. Graham, I do not think Mr. Chilton would have enjoyed being seen in such a state. He was always very careful with when and how he presented himself in public.” 

“Then it sounds like a closed casket would be optimal. These are the models that we have available for you.” Passing the brochure over, Will and Hannibal began to discuss options for the memorial service of Frederick Chilton. The conversation flowed easily, and Will barely noticed when they turned from the practical matters to debating other things like philosophy. It was only when Will’s computer chimed with an alert that Will took note of the time.

“I’m sorry to have taken up so much of your time, Mr. Lecter. I’m glad I was able to help you with the planning for the service.” 

“It was a pleasure to speak to you, Mr. Graham. I wonder if I might ask two more things of you?”

“Of course Mr. Lecter.” 

“First, please do call me Hannibal. And second, I hope that you would join me for dinner this Saturday evening?” 

“I, er, what?” 

“Dinner. This Saturday. I’d like to continue our conversation in a more relaxed environment.” 

“I, um, alright then. Where would you care to meet?” Hannibal reached out to Will’s notepad and wrote down an address. His script was elegant but also neat, leaving Will no trouble reading it.

“Please come at seven, and I will have something prepared for us.” Reaching out to take Will’s hand, Hannibal bowed over it, and then brought Will’s fingers to his lips for a quick kiss before leaving Will stunned as he stepped out the door and left the building. 

Two minutes later, when Abby poked her head in, Will was still staring at the door. 

“So...it doesn’t take three hours to plan a funeral. Have fun?” Turning to face his daughter, Will blinked. 

“He...asked me to dinner. And then he kissed me.” Shutting the door behind her, Abby squealed and hugged Will. 

“What are you going to wear? Where are you going? Ohmygosh, he kissed you? This is so exciting!” Trying to extract himself from the kiss, Will smiled absently at the thought of seeing Hannibal again.  
“I can’t answer all your questions at once, Dear. Breathe. No, I don’t know what I’m going to wear. He gave me an address to meet him at...I think it’s residential, actually. Maybe he cooks. The kiss was on my hand, so calm down.” Abby took a deep breath, but her grin still stretched from ear to ear. 

Leaning forward to rest his chin on Abby’s head, Will stared into space as the implications started to hit him. With a sigh, he kisser her forehead as he started making to-do lists in his mind.

“We still have work to do today before anything else. I’m going to go cut up some bodies. You wipe that smile off your face and go sell some coffins. Tonight, I’ll panic and you can pick out an outfit, okay?” 

“So, you’re actually going?”

“I already said yes. Backing out now would be rude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Hannibal has arrived. You can't tell, but he's besotted, because my Hannibal is inspired by the fic "Separately to a Wood," http://archiveofourown.org/works/8120212, which is just absolutely amazing, and deserves much for attention, because emungere's take on Hannibal's infatuation is just stunning. 
> 
> Next chapter will be both the last, I think.

**Author's Note:**

> So I think next chapter, we actually get to see Hannibal, and that will be fun. I meant to make this really short, but it got away from me. Oops?


End file.
